Planet Wally  


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You remind me of one of those people in school that no one remembers.

I bet you slow down for car wrecks, dontcha?

Do you get a special prize for dropping $10.00 words in conversation?

I bet that attitude of yours was really cool back in high school.

Are you trying to use some sort of secret code to confess your feelings for me?

You know I am trying to imagine you with a personality, but nothing is coming to mind.

Are you still paying off your student loans to poser school?

Are you always such a ray of sunshine or is today really special?

It is so nice that you like to set aside quality time to humiliate yourself in public.

You are a deranged mentally ill derelict.

Hey Fecal Farms just called. They have another load of bullshit for your ego.

Listening to you only validates my belief that you need to seek therapeutic treatment.

OK, you win. Can I just walk away now?

Talking to you is like getting a blowjob. Not the orgasm, just the mess.

You are a real asset to humanity. Well, forget the "set" part.

That is so ironic. You sound just like my dad would have said if he ever turned psychotic and was drunk off his ass.

The Jerk store called. They're all out of you again.

If I wanted you to be around me and making me miserable, I would already married you.

I shudder at the thought that you are capable of breeding. Thank goodness your personality acts as a birth control device.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

Could you save your little attitude for the paying customers?

I didn't think the clowns at the circus actually talked.

You know, I can tell from simply talking to you that you must have the most attractive tiny penis.

You must really understand women since your last serious relation ship was with a women old enough to be your grandmother. It is so nice of you to take out psycho menopausal ladies. I hate to see those women thrown to the curb when they can still walk without a cane.

Your work in the field of sex for the unattractive is inspirational, even to those of us capable of a regular sex life.

It's a shame all of your talent is going to waste working at K-Mart.

Don't you have to have talent in order to have an ego?

It doesn't bother me that my whole family thinks that you, my boyfriend, are gay. It just means they appreciate your feminine side.

You are so cool. I think talking to you is giving me goosebumps.
[checking arm]

If you were not too busy crafting your fancy ego buffing e-mail rant as some sort of masturbatory self aggrandizement, you might have noticed that nobody likes you.

What a wonderful example of redneck love.

I cannot even go near you, because I would have to reach through all of the ick that surrounds you.

Be a good little boy and scurry back to your hole. Daddy does not wish those games right now.

Man, that is so sad. The boy can get on his hands and knees mewling like a cat in heat and rotate his rear in a seductive fashion all he wants and there will be no takers.

I know you have homophobia problems thanks to ol' mom, but you really should let them go. I mean, if you're meant to munch rug, why fight it?

I know you have homophobia problems thanks to dear old dad, but you really should let them go. I mean, if you're meant to be a pole smoker, why fight it?

Nothing makes me laugh as hard in a juvenile manner as telling other people your anecdotes. Well nothing but alcohol, gases, drugs or maybe a dog licking my taint. You get the picture...

You're a douchebag and you should cut the flow of oxygen to your brain.

The only way you could get a piece of ass is if you posed as a toilet seat.

Another night of jerking off alone? Well at least you know how to play to your strengths.

You're a douchebag and I love you for it.

I bet you would make a very good dog. Not because I think you're loyal, but because I bet you love a good bone.

Boy are you cranky. What's wrong? Did you wake up on the wrong side of your cousin?

Your shit is so tired it could sleep through a pack of mating dingos.

You are like one of those guys that you never remember from High School, but racks up great achievements like becoming the manager of the Jiffy Lube.

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