Insults

Retorts

You keep calling me a bitch like somehow it's a bad thing.

Here's a game you might enjoy. It's called hide and go fuck yourself.

The only reason you are alive and talking is that technically it is illegal to kill you and put you out of our misery.

Why are you even talking?

Your entire philosophy is a bunk corporate hand job.

Stop breathing my air.

Yay! You win!

I don't remember asking you a god damn thing!

Your mouthwash...it ain't makin' it.

You are about as useful as Sandy Duncan's right eye.

You are incontinent pond scum.

I need you like I need a liquid fart in my pants.

Look, just because you prefer to be against the world in general doesn't mean you get to work out your "issues" with me.

What am I, flypaper for freaks??

You are truly a waste of flesh.

Jimminy stinking crickets, do you eat with that mouth?

If I throw a stick, will you leave me alone?

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet the scientific name is hard to pronounce.

What an absolute horror it must be to wake up each morning and simply still be you.

I understand that people who've grown up in abusive homes often confuse abuse with love.

Dad, your drunk, go home.

You know, you make in an hour what I make at work in the bathroom while taking a shit.

Man, it must really suck being you.

Fuck you ass monkey. If I wanted any sympathy from you, I would have fucked your sister for the five bucks you promised.

Did you eat lots of paste as a kid?

Do you do children's parties?

You suck.

Here's a dollar. Go buy some thicker skin.

It must be nice to be so free of the ravages of intelligence.

You're the smartest person I know.

You're a lot like Wally, only more so.

Yer lame. Ppphht, and furthermore, ppphht.

You are so cool. I live forever in the shadow of your big fat ass.

What a blessing it is that you work so hard with computers. It means you have less time to breed.

Someone like you deserves a good ass-raping. But with our luck, you'd get knocked up and the last thing the world needs is to conceive another lawyer.

You are a nothing more than a bloated, septic waste of hydrocarbons not worthy of igniting with a match.

Your whining and mewling interfere with my experience like a flock of sea birds strangling on six-pack rings in a gill net.

Your pathetic pleas for on-stage adulation and six-year-old humor make you a point of ridicule.

If you are still having problems getting that device to work you should find yourself a few snot-nosed sixth graders willing to hold your hand. You'll have to convince them you're not pedophile first, so best of luck to you.

I hope to run into you again sometime—when I'm driving.

You keep blowing so many opportunities, it's like watching retards pitching balls at a dunk tank during Special Olympics.

I'd embrace you in some sort of brotherly love thing, but to be honest, my skin is already crawling at the thought of spending time with you in the same county.

The concept of friends is where you greet people in a nice manner and not grab a shotgun and pepper the air with buckshot out of fear the person is yet another neighbor coming by to savagely ass-rape your trash-eating goat.

Don't take this ass-whuppin' personally.

You are a delusional corporate shill regurgitating hack philosophies from scab-infected worms.

I can read you like a comic book.

Another brilliant intellect speaks. Speak boy, speak. Good dog.

[Opponent] I have never met a bigger asshole in my life.
[You] You should take a good hard look in the mirror sometime.

You are as intellectually stimulating as a bullet to the brain.

Lick my fuzzy taint.

Lick my sweaty taint.

Every time you get on a sugar high, you start rutting on the keyboard like a chimp on crank hoping I'll come home and fuck you. I'll fuck you when I am damn good and ready. Beg all you want but sometimes I have to get loaded before I can stomach the thought of being excited by the view of your puss-ridden, rose colored asslips and have another round of Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory.

Be a good little girl and roll over, spread your cheeks and think of England or specifically my gland.

You are like background noise from an advertisers convention.

You are like some sort of herpes sore that surfaces just before an orgy full of the people you see in racy calendars. You have no reason to exist except to fuck up the party.

Go fester far away from me.

Go back inside the broken condom that spawned you.

You had nothing to say and you said it too loud.

I can't compete with your fabled wit.

You are a very modest person with much to be modest about.

You're a mommas boy, still leaving at home sucking her teet. you have been given everything. you aren't ready to call yourself a man yet.

You couldn't get pussy at a cat show.

You think I'm pathetic? May I remind you that you are choosing to argue with me.

You'd cornhole anything with a hairy taint and a sac dangling between. You fluffy haired cocksucker.

Why are you such a tired, hackneyed, banal, broken-down mouthpiece?

Your voice is creepy and you sound like a rapist.

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