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Living the Wally Lifestyle


September 27, 2006

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls of all ages, NASCAR has brought you high octane entertainment for decades. I am sure you have personally been thrilled by an exciting race between top drivers like Ricky Bobby, Cal Naughton, Jr. Darrell Waltrip or even Dale Earnhardt Jr. battling it out for supremacy at a race like the Talladega 500.

But face it racing fan, something was missing from your life. You needed a little something to fill that empty void in your gut while watching race cars go around and around and around. You needed a little part of NASCAR in your own home and now you can have it with NASCAR HOT DOGS.

[And the crowd goes wild!]

I saw these pre-packaged nuggets of paradise at a recent trip to a Pak N Save, a discount grocery store warehouse which is owned by Safeway, but is different in a Safeway because it features no fancy decor, the same or higher prices and you have to bag your own groceries. It was there I saw for only $4.98 a package, NASCAR hot dogs. I was drawn to these like lawyers to a car crash for two reasons. One, I had just seen the movie, Talledaga Nights: The Ballad or Ricky Bobby, and the fact they were marked down to 99 cents. Now I ask you, how can one turn down hot dogs that are marked down in price lower than the regular generic variety?

I placed them in my shopping cart and came immediately to my secret lair to try NASCAR excitement in my own home.

A lot of people think nothing says White Trash like NASCAR, but those people are arrogant, elitist and right on the money. So I tried the first hot dog the way it was meant to be enjoyed, raw out of the package. It still glistened with the sugary hot dog water that is lovingly sealed in each package to prevent the hot dog from drying out. I can tell you these were delightful. The greasy taste of cold fat that usually forms on the roof of my mouth was remarkably reduced compared to some low rent brand like Oscar Meyer.

My taste comparison has to be remarkably short because there are only 8 hot dogs to a package. I feel that is generous for NASCAR to give you 8.

For the next one, I tried boiling it in water and at the same time grilling a third one in the best fashion I could. I was amazed that no matter how hard I tried to besmirch the taste, NASCAR delivered the checkered flag in taste. How could they miss? After all, the ingredients include: beef, water, dextrose, corn syrup and flavorings. Thats just a fancy word for spices. The spices include: salt, potassium lactate, sodium phosphates, sodium diacetate, sodium erythorbate, sodium nitrate and oleresin paprika. Yummy yummy in the tummy!!

I say check them out next time you need hot dogs and you see them on sale for 99 cents.

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