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The Pain Men

January 26, 2006

In the US we have Johnny Knoxville and Jackass, a TV show where people try almost any stupid stunt, usually with a bad outcome. In the UK, they have Dirty Sanchez, also known as the Sanchez Brothers in the US. In the UK, Dirty Sanchez is known as the low-rent version of Jackass. They are guys from Wales that will try just about anything--and the UK loves to watch them.

Part of Team Sanchez is the Pain Men, Pritchard & Pancho. They are on the Tuesday episode of "Deathwish Live!". Some of the stunts they will be performing is sticking their heads into a tank of poisonous jellyfish, sticking their heads in a plexiglass box and allowing hungry rats poured onto their heads and finally walking into a greenhouse with a skunk and getting it to spray all over them. There is also some bit where they allow small crocodiles to bite their legs. They have been overheard boasting that during the show, "we're probably going to lose a toe".

I met them on the sound stage today. They remind me of Laurel and Hardy, only in this case Stan Laurel is a lot thicker and has a mohawk, while Hardy looks shorter, rounder and not so intelligent. They seem like they might be fun drinking buddies, so I introduced myself to them. "Hey, are you the Pain Boys?"

"We're the Pain Men!" responded Pritchard.

"Oh I see. I'm Wally Glenn, also known as Pyro Boy. I am going to be doing the fireworks stunt on the show. Dane asked them if they might be interested in a fireworks challenge.

"Oh yeah,"Pritchard replied, "we'd be into that."

Dane said, "We have some professional grade fireworks and we would like to see if you would be interested in a duel?"

"Isn't that dangerous?" asked Pritchard.

I looked at him with a smirk and said, "Aren't you the Pain Men?"

"Well yeah" Pritchard replied, "But we don't want to end up looking like we're all scarred up."

Fair enough, I thought. I had no desire to staple my penis to a board and they had no desire to play with anything dangerous like fireworks. We all have our limits.

The production crew called them back to a rehearsal, so we couldn't finalize the terms, but we decided to at least arrange for a game of white trash soccer.

But since they backed down from the challenge, I have now started calling them the Pain Pussies.

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