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24 days of rain

January 11, 2006

Ladies and gentleman, I am here to announce I have been in the rain for more than 24 days straight, up and down the West Coast. I am talking heavy torrential rain with no sun breaks for 24 days in a row.

This current bout with the rain started on December 18 with no end in sight. I left for San Francisco on December 22 to heavy rain all the way down to the Bay Area. From there the rain came down so hard that the Russian River flooded causing some of the worst flooding in recent memory. On December 28, I headed down to Los Angeles where I ran into torrential downpours. I spend New Years Eve soaked while setting up a fireworks show. So then I headed north to San Francisco to face even more rain. After a brief stopover, I went back to Seattle where it never quit raining. The rain finally stopped elsewhere, but here it has been nothing but big, fat, wet drops that soak through everything and make life miserable. The nights are black and dreary, the drains are plugged, hills are starting to slide because they are mud-soaked and rivers are all flooding.

And this isn't even record amount of rain.

Now that I realize that I have faces rain for 24 days straight, I am starting to get a little pissed off about it. Enough is enough. This Seattle, it doesn't rain hard here and it doesn't rain as much as you think it does. It's all part of the plan to keep people away. But that plan has somehow backfired.

Instead of sympathy, weather forecasters are happy to tell you that the record to beat is 33 days straight with nothing but rain. As if somehow this isn't a heroic dose of rain already. Do you know what happens in Seattle to uppity forecasters? They get their knees caps broken. Thats my new pledge and I am writing this to encourage others to do just that. If you meet one of these smiling chimps on the street, beat the crap out of them. If you see anyone on the streets smiling, just beat the crap out of them. Because anyone who is smiling in this weather is happy to be in the rain, therefore is mentally encouraging it, or they just won a vacation to Hawaii and they are happy to be out of this shit, so beat them senseless because ladies and gentleman, we're all in this together.

It's time we send this rain somewhere else. Some place that loves mudslides, swollen rivers and driving through standing water on the highways.

Someplace like Los Angeles.

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