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More Problems With My Contact Lenses

September 19, 1997

Yesterday was the first day that I wore my contact lenses in several months. I do not really need them, except for an astigmatism I can see just fine. A few months ago I got a wild hair and decided I should have the best vision possible, so I spent a very large sum of money to find out that I seem to be too incompetent to wear little bits of plastic in my eyes.

The entire saga is so bad that I will be releasing a summary of the events called, "How to go blind in 12 easy steps."

So today I thought I would see if I could make it through the day without any problems, and I am here to say most definitely not. Most of the day went along quite nicely. It was not until after my TV show when I had already worn the darn things far longer than my eye doctor recommends that the trouble started. The right one (naturally) started to bother me while driving, so I decided to use a few wetting drops in hopes that the problem would magically disappear. It did help a bit, but I was still having some problems. However, I couldn't rush home because I had to go feed my friend's kitty while she is out of town.

I get there and I place some drops in my eye hoping to flood the problem, and sure enough the pain went away. I talked with the kitty a bit then I headed home. It was as I was driving home that I realized the right eye was still bothering me, and that things seemed out of focus. So I did what any man would do, try to fix the lens while I was driving. It is amazing that my variable speed I.Q. can go from genius level to room temperature in just seconds. Here I was driving along at 35 MPH with my finger in my eye. It was while I hit the bump and scratched my eyeball that I realized that I wasn't wearing the contact lens at all.

So now, with my eye throbbing, I raced back to my friends place in hopes that I could get to the lens before it dried out or the cat found it. Either event would be a very bad thing, and even though I have a years supply, I am running low on the right eye lens due to the fact that I flushed one and stepped on another. The thought of losing a 3rd lens before the life span of one pair was up is not an exciting proposition.

Luckily I was able to find the lens only slightly dried and with only a little clay kitty litter globbed onto the lens. I went home and soaked both lenses in enzyme in hopes that they will be cleaned of any cat poop or other contaminating particles that would sting like crazy if I put them in my eye. I am hoping for better luck tomorrow.

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