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Living the Wally Lifestyle

Just Call Me One-Eyed Pete

May 01, 1997

Maybe contact lenses are not for me after all.

They seem to be for retentive people who can remember a long list of things that you must do, and a gaggle of supplies that you need to drag along. Little things like a spare lens case on the off chance that you develop a sudden eye infection that causes your eyeball to bleed, artificial tears just in case your lenses dry out, quick cleaning liquids, etc. You would think I was dragging around a baby or something. And really, I hate having to drag all of this stuff around. Although I am suddenly thinking that purses for men would not be such a bad idea, except that there are certain fashion trends that I am not willing to pursue, and I am not going to carry around a fanny pack!

My lovely Optometrist has given me a fairly long list of things not to do with the lenses. You know, things like do not put them in a glass of water next to the bed because she replaces about 10 pairs a month due to people drinking their lenses. Now personally, I would not warn people not to do this. I think if they want to drink their lenses she might as well be the one to profit from their stupidity. There is one thing she did not tell me to do. She never mentioned that I shouldn't step on them.

Now I really did not mean to do this. I thought I had the sucker in, but no, it wasn't it popped out onto the floor, I looked around on my chest, my cheeks, the counter, and did not see them. So I took a really big step back and looked down. What I did not think would happen is that it would drop and roll. After searching for a few minutes I found the remains with a tear in the lens.

I called my lovely Optometrist and explained to her very helpful assistant that I just stepped on my lens. as luck would have it, the people who stock that particular lens were fresh out so it was going to take some time to get them in stock. So in the mean time I am walking around with only one lens.

I really like the feeling.

My eyes seem to adjust very well to the one eye having the sharper vision, but once in a while everything gets all blurry and ethereal looking. It is sort of like a dream sequence on TV, but in this case Gilligan is not dreaming he is a secret agent. So until my lens comes in I will be walking around half focused which is a state many of my friends feel I might be suffering from in the first place.

I am not giving up. I hate giving up. I have faced greater challenges than little pieces of plastic that could cause me to go blind. Besides, the hunt for new shades is going rather poorly.

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