If you are going to bitch at Quiznos, really bitch at Quiznos
August 08, 2004
So a friend of mine was bitching about hs shabby treatment at a Quiznos near his house in Los Angeles. Apparently, he walked into the place at like 8:47 PM when it closes and the 18 year old girl working at the Quiznos refused to help him because she was closing the store and didn't wish to make another sandwich.
I can see why, because in all honesty, I think the sandwiches suck. That's right, I think Quiznos sucks. I think they taste terrible, I hate everything about them.
But Brian didn't know if he should cause waves or just let it go. He was getting himself all worked up and his friends, but didn't really want to bitch.
One lesson I have learned in life is if you are going to bitch to make yourself feel better, go right over the top. Nobody at Quiznos really gives a rats ass if you, the reader didn't get a sandwich when they were clearly open because it's just one customer and they have more important concerns, like not paying the 18 year old girl overtime.
So I suggested he write a letter that was totally over the top. A letter like this one:
Dear Quiznos,
I am the personal assistant to actor William Shatner. Mr. Shatner's doctor has prescribed a diet of fast food sandwiches to eat in order to lose weight and control his Hypoglycemia and Diabetes. His favorite sandwich has been Quiznos.
Mr. Shatner specifically requests sandwiches from the Quiznos at Belmont & 39th. I walked into the store and was shocked to see the woman behind the counter picking her nose. I mean, she was digging for gold like she was trying to dislodge a cockroach or something. I could not believe it when she pulled out what looked like lunchmeat and ate it right in front of me!
Before I could voice my disgust, she said, "sorry, we're closed." The time was 8:43, which is nowhere close to the closing time listed as 9:00. Despite her personal grooming habits, I still needed to get a sandwich for Mr. Shatner and since he has a strict dietary schedule, I do not have time to drive all over the Los Angeles region to find an acceptable substitute.
I explained the situation to the girl at the counter and she refused to make me a sandwich and continued to scratch at the scabs on her arm, which looked suspiciously like needle marks to me.
I was forced to drive to Quiznos much further away. While I was in that store, someone broke into my car and shit on my front seat!
Is this the behavior I can expect at Quiznos? I am going to relate my story to Mr. Shatner to convince him to eat elsewhere.
Signed,
Brian Redburn III
Quiznos will most likely reject this letter as a crank, but chances are they would have rejected his letter that was stated in a nice manner. I know for a fact that I have bitched and complained to Johnny Rockets about the poor service I received in their store at the University Village in Seattle and I never heard a word back and my complaint was valid and dealt with not only bad training, but possible theft as well.
Why?
Big companies really don't give a shit about you.
They care about profit margins. Customers seem to be this ugly thing they have to deal with to get money coming in the door.
Bitching is always fun. It makes me feel good and I encourage you to bitch and bitch and bitch. But go over the top and have some fun with it.
