Living the Wally Lifestyle
Memories of crazy girls
July 25, 2004
I was chatting with some friends about the craziest girls we ever dated. We bantered stories back and forth for a while, but then I remembered one story I think I will share with you. It happened about 1994 or 1995. A while ago during the Seattle International Comedy Competition.
It was at this bar in Bellingham called the Elephant & Castle. It was during this rather notorious comedy competition. It was the last night of an intense week and all the guys were trying to see who could score the Auggie Point, which is taking someone home you met at the show which was named after a comic named Auggie who did just that night after night.
There is this cute blonde that is talking to the comics for a few minutes and then the comics introduce her to the next comic. I did not quite realize what was happening until Mike Wally Walter introduces me to this girl. She starts talking to me and I get a few clues she might be out of her mind crazy. The first clue is that I cannot understand what the heck she is talking about. The second is that she just asked me how her breasts look, shoved my face in between her tits so I could see them up close with my chin, then when I slowly broke loose of her python like death grip, she did one of those Sharon Stone moves where you lift your leg way too high over your head so I can see a beaver shot. Just like Sharon, she was sans panties.
Right away I am looking for Auggie, because I already have a crazy girl at home who could be setting fire to my bed. But Auggie is making time with a hot waitress, so he's not interested. The bar shuts and we all head out to our cars and wouldn't you know it, her Geo Metro convertible is parked next to my car. She talks to Mike Wally for a while and I talk to some other people to see if we should drive her home because she is trashed. She walks away from Mike and goes to her car, gets in and waives me over. She rolls down the window, grabs my hand and puts it into her fairly wet pussy.
Then she invites us all to her house by yelling out the window to follow her to her house.
She then starts her car and proceeds to drive right over a 5' rockery embankment, hits the street below with a shower of sparks, then drives away without slowing down.
The rest of us decided to follow her because she's clearly drunk and the way she is driving there's a very good chance she's going to kill someone.
So off the posse goes to follow her.
She drives like a woman possessed, but we manage to catch up to her when she pulls into a 7-11. She has stopped her to show us the crazy monsters that live in the bathroom. I follow her into the bathroom hoping to see the monsters and get her car keys. We all go back to see the monsters, but all we see is a really unclean bathroom. She then says something like, "It's scary, AAAHHHHH!!!!!" and ran out of the bathroom and the rest of us are confused because we don't see any monsters. Then we realize she's left us, so we head out to the front of the store only to see her driving very fast the wrong way up a one-way street.
We decided to just let her go. We didn't have a cell phone and since we were already kind of sort of intoxicated, we decided calling the police would not be a great idea. So off we went.
Meanwhile, Auggie heads across the street with the waitress to a Motel 6. They get to the room and furiously start getting undressed. Clothes are flying everywhere and Auggie cracks her on the ass with his hand. She jerked suddenly, got a horrified look on her face and said, "well, you took the wrong woman home tonight!" grabbed some of her clothes and runs out the door naked with Auggie's day planner.
He never found out her phone number, so he had to spend the next few weeks trying to piece together his bookings.
What a night.
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