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Screw you, piano man

May 19, 2004

What is it with pianos? I have the misfortune of working in an office that has a piano within earshot. Every lousy fucking piano player within it's seductive draw will come up, flip up the lid and start to tinkle away.

It wouldn't be so bad if these people were good. But good and this Miessner upright piano have absolutely nothing to do with each other. It wouldn't be so bad if it was someone laying down a little Gershwin or maybe some Elton John or even Long John Baldry. Instead it's Onward Christian Soldiers or Chopstix or one of those bad songs that came out in the 70's. Worse, it's never the whole song. Invariably it's someone that doesn't even know how to play the music, so you suffer with them going through it several times. It's like some bad Bugs Bunny cartoon episode with the dynamite under one of the keys. Only I'm not falling for it.

I have tried taping down the lid for the keyboard with gaffers tape, I have tried nailing the lid shut, I tried putting up a sign that says, "DO NOT PLAY THIS OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS" but someone manages to open the lid, sit down to the lack of a piano bench seat (I hid that LONG AGO) and belt out bad songs.

I have complained. Oh have I complained about the bad playing, but invariably I am hit with the same answer. 'Well, they're just expressing their creativity." How is that an excuse? It's rude when I yell in your ear without a reason, but it's OK to play badly? It's rude when I fart, but trust me, the smell is a work of art. It's downright offensive and hostile when I tell racist jokes. But somehow my creativity with the "two condoms walk by a gay bar..." is not noted or excused, but bad piano playing is forgiven as art. I think it is noise pollution.

What brings this up?


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