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Living the Wally Lifestyle

Date Back-up

May 22, 2004

A friend of mine is trying to get her slut on and it's my fault. I wrote a personal ad for her because she was feeling down and unattractive.

So I wrote this personal ad and put it on Craigslist:

looking for a man - no boys - 35

I'm a scientist and I like sex. Can I say "like" in an ad? I'm a busty girl in my 30's, I like pool, I like sports and I like to have fun. I don't like boys, I like men. Does this sound like you? Then contact me dammit.

She was deluged with 120 responses in 24 hours. I know this because I cc:d myself on the e-mail address so I could see what's out there.

So now she's lining up dates. One after another. She's booked solid for a week.

But now she's concerned what if one of them turns out to be a freak?

Or an axe murderer?

So as a safety measure, she's instructed me to call her if she doesn't call by a certain time and if she fails to call back, call the police. Now I support this kind of action. Friends looking out for friends is a good thing. But I don't know where she went to dinner, where she's planning on going after dinner for sex (she's planning on sleeping with almost every one of them unless they are repulsive) as in her place or his or a cheap sleazy motel.

So if something goes wrong and she ends up in bite size chunks, there's not much I can do for her. Other than call the police and say, "Yes, my friend went on a date and has disappeared. I can only assume she was done in by an axe murderer. His name is Tom Sawyer (I kid you not) and his number is (206) 206-2060. He can tell you were to find the chunks of body.

What else should I be doing here. I want to be a nice, responsible friend, but all I can really do is hang by the phone and get the blow-by-blow of the sex. Or if it is an axe murderer, I guess report the blow-by-blow.

Any other ideas of what I should do?

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